Bridget Hart

In an attempt to boost my writing again, I’m sitting down on this terrifyingly hot day, to talk about being alone. I recently decided to date myself, not a hard decision after a string of one-time encounters and several crap ghosts. I haven’t been single for a very long time, and now that I am also living alone I get to really take to understand my ways. So, as well as learning how to be by myself and comfortable I am also unlearning toxic patterns, or trying to, in between episodes of Easy and American Gods. I’m sure there are countless lists out there about things you discover when you’re 30 something, single and alone, but none of them tell you what to do when your Cleansing Elemental Ceremony goes up in literal flames. I’m not going to do a list, don’t worry. That would be hard to do not only in the heat but also because I’m on my period and I might cry. 

Luckily for me, I’m an only child so I LOVE being alone. I feel like in your 20s there’s real push to be social, FOMO is a real thing for a lot of people. I definitely had it, even before i moved to Bristol I was burning out, but I had the energy to keep me going. In your 30s you can just say I’m tired, I’m staying inside all weekend to watch Planet Earth and no one cares. It’s pretty great. I have grown up being by myself, my room has always been my safe space. I think that having a space that just belongs to you is really important and I have been striving for that ultimate safe space which I now have in my very own place. It’s a great feeling, knowing you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. I’m really grateful for everything I’m surrounded by. And you know what? It is ok to be alone, I don’t feel guilty or get FOMO anymore. I go to the cinema and out to eat alone and I recently took a solo trip to Wales. I changed my perception of all love songs, they are all about me by me now. I’m comfortable with my own limits and I’m enjoying my own company. I will make as much time for myself in the week, to read, to be mindful and check in. Though I’m finding it hard to let go of things that only chip at my self worth. I am definitely not alone in that. Still, taking a break from dating (or in my case desperately seeking validation from bumble interactions) is turning out to be a positive thing. I’ve got shit to work out, and I do that best in my own space. Sorry, potential lovers, I’m listening to Lizzo and eating nuggets.